Dear Eggsperts—Valentine’s Day is coming up. My heart is breaking because I don’t have a baby to share it with yet? Everyone around me is gushing with hearts and candy and I am giving myself shots and timing everything. I love my partner, but it’s just so hard to be happy right now. Can’t we just skip ahead until the next holiday already? I don’t think I can make it.–Heartbroken in Hoboken
Dear Heartbroken–Well, it’s February, in case you haven’t noticed. A month once filled with the joys of heart-shaped candy, roses a plenty, and reservations at the ‘it’ spots in town with your honey–BUT, the truth is that Valentine’s Day can be a day some of us would like to skip. It can feel nearly impossible to be happy and fun-loving when the battle to conceive seems to be getting the best of us.
- Whoever you are, and whatever your situation, you may face the constant pressure to show joy and love, when you just aren’t feeling it.
- Maybe you are a teacher and are supposed to put on a happy face for your children everyday, but especially on February 14th! All of those Valentine’s Day cards being distributed.
- Maybe you are parents of one or more, but find your minds consumed with the wish for another baby blessing.
- Maybe you work in retail and the mere sight of another red rose makes you actually nauseated.
So what gives?! You wonder:
- How do I deal with all this ‘lovey-dovey’ stuff when I feel like my heart is breaking?
- When I feel like I’m broken?
- When I feel like I’m the reason we don’t hear pitter-patter yet?
All of these feelings mean that your heart is full of love for your future baby and your heart is bursting to share that love.
But today, well actually everyday, but especially when you can’t escape the “love is in the air” bombardment, be sure to love yourself. Be your own Valentine.
Your partner may also be feeling the same things. Remember you are in this together. Be sure to remember that the two of you may need to shut out the rest of the world together. Be your partner’s Valentine.
Maybe one of these tips will help take the edge off. And if armed with more than one, maybe, just maybe, Valentine’s day won’t be the WORST DAY EVER, afterall.
- Go for a run, long walk or a hike!
- Consider taking the day off – make it a personal mental health day or a ‘Stay-Cation.’ It will make for the perfect day to tackle that home project that you’ve been putting off.
- Avoid retail stores, shopping centers, or celebratory events. The goal is to guard your heart and your mind. So it doesn’t do any good to put you in places that will put the holiday front-and-center in your mind.
- Order take out, or delivery and stay in! Make it a FUN Friday.
- Log Off ALL social media. If you really, really, really want to, you can give yourself permission to browse the next day. But, this day is for you. Why dwell on others’ posts when you don’t have to?
- And BEST YET, make a pact with your partner to play by the rules of the day that feel good for you both. If you want to exchange gifts, great. If you don’t, well, then, don’t. Same goes for sex. Too easy, right?!
- If being intimate with your partner is a trigger, consider making time to have a romantic evening prior to Valentine’s Day – this way you won’t feel so pressured to perform. Maybe a quality cuddle session on the couch with a fresh meal delivery is just the ticket you need anyway!
Basically, we recommend you taking some time to think about any triggers you may have and build a plan to steel yourself against those triggers.
We hope we met your Eggspectations—An Eggspert
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Disclaimer: All of the comments on this page are for basic information only. They are based on the opinions and expertise of the authors and are not meant to provide a substitute for medical care or specific treatment recommendations. Each person is unique and requires individualized diagnosis and treatment plans. Any specific questions should be directed to your personal healthcare provider.